I have completely weaned my two-year old toddler and the transition was surprisingly gentle!
For the past 6 months or so I have nursed my son only for his afternoon nap. I was very reluctant to try to completely wean him because I was afraid he would stop napping altogether (his nap lasts a good 2 hours and during this time I get a lot of my work done).
Last week, we unexpectedly weaned. He skipped his nap, and nursing time, on Monday because I had to be away from him in the afternoon. The next day, at nap, I said, “let’s just pretend to nurse”, so he did. He curled up into my arms and pretended to nurse over my shirt. He is familiar with pretending: we often pretend to cook or eat, or pretend to swim, etc. He was surprisingly agreeable to pretend to nurse. After all, I wasn’t saying “no†and we still got to cuddle. But after about 40 minutes of him doing flips and tossing and turning in bed, I gave up trying to get him down that day.
The next day we did the same thing. We pretended to nurse and this time he did fall asleep, after about 30 minutes. I was shocked! I probably shouldn’t have been (kids need to sleep), but for the past two years I (or more accurately, my nipples) have been the only thing to get him to nap. If he was going to wean, I reckoned, then the best way was going to be to spend a few days apart. I never imagined it possible to wean him the way I did.
It has now been almost two weeks. Other than having an engorged breast, things have gone smoothly. He still asks to nurse and I let him (pretend) whenever he wants. He has been asking to pretend nurse more often and I let him–I don’t see the harm. It’s now much easier for my husband, my mother and his babysitter to get him to take a nap, which I am very thankful for.
Ending nursing brings mixed emotions. I am sad because this beautiful part of our relationship has come to an end. And yet it’s a milestone, a necessary and inevitable part of my son growing up.
February 9th, 2008 at 2:52 pm
That is a great idea! I did the weekend away but we are still nursing every two days or so. We nurse in the morning but if I get up and moving before Felix wakes up, he just goes with the flow. If he wakes me up, then he asks to nurse. I don’t even know if I have milk anymore!
I might have to try this ‘pretend’ thing. Thanks!
February 9th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
Hi Sarah,
Thanks for your comment. I have been very surprised at how much milk I still have, considering that my son only nursed once a day. After about a week my breast got partially engorged. I have had it wrapped in cabbage for a few days now, but it is still not going away! I have to do some research on what to do. I would hate for the ‘final note’ of breast feeding to be a breast infection!
February 29th, 2008 at 10:48 pm
Thank you for the suggestion. I too am going to try it. I have a 27month old I have been trying to wean since June 2007! I keep feeling Sad about if or sorry it makes her so miserable and give in. I even thought of telling Sabrina we will have to mail my nipples to some else that needs them. But in the end she does this face and says just a tiny bit more.. and I give in… but I never thought of pretending!
Thank you for such a great site too!!
All the best,
Spicyb.
April 4th, 2008 at 12:01 am
I really liked this suggestion. We are down to three times a day, morning, nap, and night. And each of those nursings is SOOOO important, I was just stuck as to how to move forward. I will definitely try this trick.
Thank you.
April 15th, 2008 at 11:09 am
Ah, its interesting to see someone doing what we have been doing. My son is older (3), but he pretends to nurse now - or asks to pretend to be a baby, and be cradled, but doesn’t actually nurse.
I’m still nursing my youngest so haven’t had to deal with any engorgement. It really is such a sweet way to end the bfing relationship.
July 16th, 2008 at 1:12 am
I am 44. My son Charlie is my second child. He is 18 months and still nursing. He loves it so much that he squels with delight. He nurses at night (sometimes 2 or 3 times during the night) then a few more times during the day. I use my breast to put him to sleep, so I cannot go out on dates with my husband much. I keep waiting for him to self wean, like my daughter did at 15 months. I love it, mind you. But my husband is very impatient. In fact he is hostile about it. He thinks I am babying him and there is no value in it. He won’t read the research I have. I am torn between this gentle child who is not ready to wean and a husband who is demanding I wean. Any one have advice for me? My doctor said, your husband will remember this for a long time, and your child will never remember it. I felt like this respone was too clinical. Any thoughts?
July 17th, 2008 at 11:31 am
Hi Jane,
Thanks for your comment.
My son would have never self-weaned, he loved it too and in fact is still ‘pretending’ to nurse (6 months after I stopped nursing him). There are some good sources about how to deal with unsupportive family members (http://www.kellymom.net/bf/criticism.html)- but if your husband is not willing to learn all the benefits of breastfeeding and even extended breastfeeding, then it seems that he is not willing to change his mind.
Weaning was a very difficult thing to navigate, very emotional, it would have been extremely stressful for me if my husband was not supportive. One thing that your doctor left out- is that you will always remember it too. You need to feel good about the way this beautiful, fleeting, part of your relationship with your son, ends.
Also, keep in mind that if you are both waking up 2-3 times through the night, you are not getting enough rest, which can have significant impacts on your mood, stress level and general daily functions.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:31 pm
Thank you so much for blogging about this experience. I came across your blog by searching “weaning toddler”. I’m actually at about the same point you were: I sadly needed to wean my 2.5 year old (to get baby #2 on the way) from her nap nursings, but I’ve been terrified of losing that personal time and her losing the sleep she so desperately needs. (She’s VERY sensitive to sleep changes, didn’t sleep through the night regularly until only the past few months, even though I haven’t nursed her at night for at least a year if not much longer.) I’ll just have to try this tomorrow. Thanks again for sharing your “ah-ha!” moment!