Welcome, Carnival of Breastfeeding readers! The topic for this carnival is “Beginnings and endings”. My post is about the process of weaning a toddler.
I found myself wondering, after reading Tara’s post, Weaning a toddler while pregnant, how many women need advice like this? What percentage of women are still breastfeeding a toddler and what percentage of those toddler nursing moms are willing to endure the pain of nursing, due to sore nipples from pregnancy, in order to continue breastfeeding? I would guess very few.
When my son was nearing a year, friends and family started asking me how long I planned to nurse. They also tried to convince me that my son didn’t need the breastmilk anymore. A very good friend of mine even told me that I had to “cut the cord” and that breastfeeding “had no nutritional value” after a year. The funny thing is that at one point of my life (prior to having a child) I believed that.
It is true that breastmilk comprises less of a baby’s overall diet as it grows and begins to eat a variety of foods, but it is certainly not true that breastmilk loses its nutritional value.
“Breast milk continues to provide substantial amounts of key nutrients well beyond the first year of life, especially protein, fat, and most vitamins.” (Dewey 2001)
Kellymom put out a fantastic fact sheet about the value of
extended breastfeeding, including information on nutritional value, and there is also a list of references if you would like to read the the actual studies.
Now my son is two, and I am breastfeeding once a day, just at nap time. For us, the best way to get down to one nursing session a day was to have my husband take over putting our son to bed, reading him a lot of good books, and always having a sippy cup full of water ready. We also found that just talking to our toddler about when he can and can’t nurse was also very helpful to him.
I would tell him that we were not going to nurse as much any more and that he could nurse at nap time, but not at bed time. So at night when he asked to nurse I would say (in a very upbeat and confident manner) “we already nursed today, you can nurse tomorrow at nap”. He seemed surprisingly agreeable for the most part. Although there were definitely times where it was hard to “stick to my guns” and not nurse him. Occasional tears were shed. The first few days were the toughest.
As a first-time mother, I am also learning the importance of consistency. I tried to night wean several times when he was about one and a half. But I was not always consistent about it. In general, the inconsistencies left him confused and frustrated more than anything. Now I make more of an effort to be consistent and I see that he can adjust much better when I do.
I would like to stop nursing completely soon, although I find it very difficult to just “let go“. I keep changing my mind about whether or not we are ready to completely wean… It has been such a wonderful bond between us. I am also concerned that my son will stop napping altogether if I do wean. He naps 2-3 hours a day and this time has become very precious to me as I am trying to finish my doctorate degree. Friends tell me he will wean when he is ready. I am not so sure- but have vowed to wean when I get pregnant again. Hopefully sooner than later!
Since writing this post I have completely weaned my toddler. Read the “Pretending to nurse… to wean” post here.
Be sure to read the other bloggers posts.
Badass Dad writes about his experience as a breastfeeding father.
Naturemoms Breastfed three children and reviews a book about breastfeeding.
Adventures of Pip and Squeak Breastfeeding an infant and weaning a toddler.
Breastfeeding Mums Reflects on her time as a breastfeeding mother of three.
A mama Knows Breast Deals with a low milk supply.
Motherwear Breastfeeding Blog Gently encourages weaning.
Crunchy Domestic Goddess Inauspicious breastfeeding beginnings.
blog.reidelizabeth Found support in La Leche League, a lactation consultant and family and resisted supplementing her breast milk.
Breastfeeding 123 It’s about weaning during pregnancy.
Popularity: 60% [?]
January 27th, 2008 at 11:29 pm
Having just weaned a toddler a few weeks ago I can relate to your article. It was so hard to let it go for me as well. I was pregnant when we weaned and I felt like for my daughter that was what we needed to do. Best of luck deciding when to be done for good. In the meantime, enjoy it. I really miss it at times.
January 28th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
Thanks for sharing your story! I’m currently breastfeeding my 2 year old (who I said I would nurse until 1) and feeling like I would like to stop soon too. We only nurse in the morning when he wakes up and it is oh-so-nice to have that extra time in bed for everyone! I just can’t let it go and it really doesn’t impact our lives much at all. The transition to 1x day went very easily but it took a long time. That wasn’t something I expected – I feel as if we started to talk about weaning with our son at least a year before it happened. And it did happen – and is happening – just so slow!
My husband and I are going out of town for our first romantic weekend away since Felix was born so that will mean two mornings without nursing. He has done this before but only because I’ve left in the morning before he woke up. I hope it will go ok! (I am so impressed with my body because I always have milk.) I’m nervous and excited all at the same time
January 29th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
good advice, thanks for writing about it. i especially like that you engage your son in conversation, explaining to him why you won’t nurse at that moment. he may not understand all of it, but it’s good practice nonetheless!
January 30th, 2008 at 5:36 am
I think your attitude is a good one. My daughter (now 3) still falls asleep nursing most nights and I tried to break her of that at one point but I just wanted to cry with her and it wasn’t successful. My husband and I are going away in May for a few days. We’ll have to see if she still wants to nurse when I get back.
July 15th, 2008 at 8:34 pm
My husband and I are unfortunately conflicted about when to wean our toddler. Our 19 month old still nurses at bedtime and if he wakes up in the middle of the night. More often than not he wakes up once or twice. I’d like to eliminate those feedings but don’t mind nursing him at bedtime until he’s at least two. My husband thinks I’m crazy for still nursing him at all. I’m just not sure how to handle what I think is right – without upsetting my husband. We also would like another child – but my cycle is all over the place probably since I’m still nursing. Oh I wish stopping were easier on my son and I… if I refuse it’s hours of screaming.
July 17th, 2008 at 10:59 am
Hi Cynthia,
Thanks for your comment. I found it very difficult to stop the night feeding, and we had several false starts and plenty of tears (but it only lasted 2-3 days). I also did not mind nursing him to bed at night and that eventually became the only nursing in a 24 hour period. I found the best way for me to get my son to stop nursing at nap and in the morning was to explain to him, in a positive and friendly way, that he couldn’t have milk now b/c he could have it before bed and then I would often offer an alternative, like holding my hand very tightly. He wasn’t thrilled about it, but he got it. After a few days of being consistent, it was much easier for him. And he did start sleeping through the night very soon after, the first full night of sleep we all had in about 22 months!
Once I night weaned, my period came back after a month or two (22 months after his birth). Trying to conceive was a big incentive for me to cut back breastfeeding. I very much wanted to get my period back and start trying for a second child. I also told myself that my son would much prefer a sibling than a few more months of breastfeeding (I am 36 so feel like my clock is ticking). I know plenty of women conceive while breastfeeding- but my body was slow to get regular again.
As far as finding a ‘happy medium’ with your husband I would suggest reading this post on Kellymom:
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/criticism.html
I never had to deal with this issue myself, but I would imagine that it could cause a lot of stress on a relationship. I do not know how long I would have kept nursing without my husbands support. Also, keep in mind that if you are both waking up 2-3 times through the night, you are not getting enough rest, which can have significant impacts on your mood, stress level and general daily functions.
July 23rd, 2008 at 8:50 am
I’m trying to wean my 21 month old because I’m pregnant (9 weeks) and had a miscarriage earlier this year, which even though people say was unrelated to the nursing I still worry. Anyway, so far it is soooo hard. My daughter likes to nurse for comfort at bedtime, during the night and anytime I’d let her. Any advice would be welcome.
August 1st, 2008 at 9:53 am
My daughter is 2 yrs and 8mos, and we are on the SLLOOOWWWW train when it comes to weaning. We’ve gotten it down to only nursing to sleep for naptime and bedtime. Right now we’re working on middle-of-the-night weaning. We co-sleep and she still wakes up 2-5 times a night wanting to nurse back to sleep. She won’t accept a drink of water or milk when I offer it instead. She cries and nuzzles and fondles and tries to get my nipple in her mouth. I tell her “there’s no milkies right now. There will be more tomorrow.” — Mostly true since my milk production is pretty much gone in one breast, and really reduced in the other. But she’s not satisfied with that answer. Eventually I can cuddle and sing her to sleep. It’s such a sad thing for her (and me!) right now. When I tell her that we’re nursing less because she’s becoming a big girl, she says “No Mommy, I’m a little girl.” I need some answers that work when she asks “WHY can’t I nurse Mommy?” It’s a legitimate question, and I don’t want to make up stories or put yucky tasting substances (vinegar, lemon juice) on my nipples to discourage her. I would feel like I was being dishonest with her. She’s a pretty bright kid and expects some real answers. I would LOVE some suggestions!!!
August 27th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
I am nursing my almost 2 year old daughter and if it were up to her, she would nurse all the time. I night weaned a month ago and I have to agree the absolute most important thing was consistency. My daughter screamed intensely for several nights; she is very strong and vocal in general. We didn’t scold her, simply held her and cuddled her and told her over and over that ” the bubbies are sleeping; they are very tired and they can nurse again when the sun comes up.” I also prepared her in advance; whether or not she understood is a question. It was very helpful to be able to pass her to my husband since he has no bubbies; she was clawing at me intensely. It also helped to wear a tight tank top, not so easy access. I was worried I was being mean, but she would be dandy in the morning. She occasionally still wakes up and asks to nurse at night, but knows she can’t. We always have a sippy cup of water in the bed with us, and I show her where it is every night. She now sometimes wants me to rub her back or tummy to go back to sleep and will even put my hand on her if she wakes up and that is what she wants. I really tried to make sure that night weaning did not decrease her cuddling and contact time, especially by adding daddy to the mix more. It worked and we’re all happier.
August 30th, 2008 at 9:38 pm
momma2g2k I totally hear you. I have so much to say but so little time. My 3 year old (who we worried would never breastfeed) is still way obscessed with “neyney”. We are just down to a little nursing before nap (if it happens) and bedtime and when she first wakes. I hate to admit it to most people although I would never judge anyone for doing it. Luckily my community is very supportive of nursing in general. I never thought I would be nursing this long. But after her medical issues and family medical issues and uncertainty she has been very clingy and neyney a comfort. Night time weaning was terrible- over two weeks of screaming with a few magical spinkles of hope with quiet cuddling. I didn’t want her to think that I was punishing her or rejecting her. I told her that we needed to teach her body to sleep (through the night or getting to sleep) and that all children had to learn to do this-even mentioning a couple of her friends.
In little short pieces of info at a time of course. I let her know that I miss it too but I like to cuddle. Good time to talk about how learning how to do some things can be hard but you can do it. all depending on the age. good luck gotta go
November 10th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
I have a 22 month old son and I am 6 1/2 months pregnant. I was still nursing him (and it hurt SO MUCH) up until Friday. I had managed to eliminate all sessions except for the one before his nap, and he is incredibly attached to this one time when I was willing to nurse. Part of me feels bad about ending this special bond that we have, especially when I know that it could be very difficult for him when the new baby enters our lives. There is another part of me that feels an urgent need to end the nursing so that he doesn’t associate being weaned with the arrival of the new baby and feel as if something was taken from him and given to the little “interloper”. I wouldn’t be surprised if a lot of women find themselves in this situation (though I don’t personally know any). Especially when you are dealing with the fatigue of pregnancy, it is difficult to find the energy to deal with a baby crying to be nursed.
January 12th, 2009 at 10:44 pm
My daughter is 2 years and 4 months old, and she loves nursing. She would prefer to nurse all the time, and during the night-time, she basically still does. We co-slept until she was about 22 months old. We were happily surprised when she was excited to move into her own room, & into her own bed. The catch was, she has never slept without nursing, so I have had to either sleep with her in her room or go back and forth across the house all night long (usually 3-5 times, although after about 3 times I am so tired that I fall asleep and stay asleep in her room). We currently have moved her mattress into our room beside our bed, and are hoping this will encourage her to nurse less often.
This is SO much harder than I thought it would be! I love nursing, and so does she, but we are ready for a second child, and our nursing is still so frequent we haven’t been able to conceive.
I appreciate all the wisdom I have read from other moms, and would love to hear any more advice.
January 15th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
Amanda, I think your decision to wean was a good one. If I could go back four months or so, I think I would choose your path rather than the one I did – which now has me nursing both a three year old and a three week old. I know I’m coming from a place where this is all very new and full of intense changes (and maybe in a week or a month I’ll feel better about it), but right now I’m feeling that if I could wean DS I’d do it in a heartbeat. But now he’s already feeling such competition with baby DD for mommy milk, I’m afraid actively weaning him will build resentment toward his sister. I really feel like I’m between a rock and a hard place.
March 11th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
I have only the best intentions to help Moms and Dads who have been gradually weaning their toddlers and are looking for that light at the end of the tunnel.
I have written an ebook that tells my own story, describing step-by-step, how other parents can wean their toddlers and preschoolers, who may still be very attached to a final nursing or nursing continuously but the parents are ready to wean.
If this sounds like you…if you are a frustrated parent looking for advice on how to lovingly wean your toddler from the breast, without trauma to you or your child, this will help. All the best.
April 19th, 2009 at 1:27 am
I also found a great book for kids called learning to wean, it helped me start talking about weaning to my 2 1/2 year old, who use to get very upset at the thought of it. now at least he feels more comfortable with the idea. its not going to happen overnight , but we’re getting there
June 24th, 2010 at 6:45 pm
I just posted a blog on weaning my 3-year old! It was difficult in many ways — but I think mostly because I didn’t want to let go of it.
If you would like to read my post, please go to http://www.mycharlottesweb.blogspot.com
I would love to hear comments!
Thanks,
Susan Compton
mama to 3-year old girl