A new guest blog from tara..
I’m 20 weeks pregnant, and am still nursing my son, who turned two last month. The pain is unbelievable! It started almost as soon as I got pregnant, and worsened. At the time I became pregnant, he was still nursing seven to ten times a day–with at least three of those being at night.
The “not sleeping” was really putting my sunny disposition in a bad place. I tried all kinds of tactics to get him to nurse less and it just wasn’t working. Also, he’s not a “sleeper”: nothing in his 25 months of life has put him to sleep except me, the backpack or the car.
What’s a knocked-up girl to do?
He just isn’t ready to stop nursing and I am going to have to take it one day at a time. First, I breathe through the pain of latch. It only lasts about 30 seconds before the intense pain goes away. I try to think about how the pain is still way less painful than the first weeks of nursing and last so much shorter than labor.
During the day and as often as I can I suggest a distraction, if he climbs on my lap out of nowhere and asks for “ma-ma,” I say “How about some water first?” and would hand him his cup, grab a nice long book and would start to read to him. Now, I can tell if he is serious or is just asking out of habit. We’ve been doing this for a while, and his appetite for foods has gotten better and he has become more interested in the things around him.
Night time is still a disaster though. He sleeps either in our bed or his own bed in his room. At first, I would put him to sleep in his room, and then either my husband or I would bring him into our bed to nurse back to sleep when he awoke in the middle of the night. Later, I started nursing him in his own bed when he was only waking 2-3 times a night, and go back to my bed after he fell asleep. But being pregnant, I’m generally exhausted, and I’m tempted to turn the monitor off and pretend he is sleeping, but of course I can’t do that!
But recently, he started sleeping through the night about once a week. It’s getting more and more frequent. I am glad I decided to breathe through the pain, because everything about the way we have parented him these past two years has taught him he’s important and we’re there for him. I didn’t want to cut him off from his one favorite thing in the world: ma-ma.
But I do want and need some sleep. So lately, what I started doing is to go lay down next to him when he wakes in the middle of the night. He’ll say “I would like some ma-ma please” and now I say “We had some ma-ma already” and rub his back. Sometimes he rolls over and goes back to sleep, and sometimes he starts to protest a bit and get a little upset. I test him on this, but I don’t let him get too upset because it will wake him fully. So I suggest he “hold ma-ma.” He likes this solution, he puts his hand on my breast and just holds it. And then falls back to sleep. He did cry and hold it the first few times but it was not the kind of cry where you know something is really wrong. Since I’ve started doing this he is waking up less often during the night.
At first, I did feel a little strange about suggesting he hold my breast, but then I remembered how he and other breastfed babies often “play” with the breast they are not nursing from. And I decided this could be a normal transition. It still gives him the comfort he desires from the exact thing he desires and yet no pain for me. This is how we’ve gotten down to one nursing a day.
And actually, we went 48 hours for the first time ever, the first day in his life he didn’t nurse: Jan. 1, 2008! He fell asleep in the car and didn’t wake up in the transition to his bed. We didn’t nurse again till the next bed time. Now if he happens to ask during the day I say “we’ll have ma ma at night night” and that seems to work ok, he gets it, and I can handle once a day. I don’t know if that’s a “tip” but it’s an experience for sure.
Good luck to you. If you are nursing and pregnant and people are giving you “advice,” know in your heart that you will find the right thing for you and your toddler.
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January 12th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
Great advice Tara! I also found that the best way to start the process of weaning was to just talk to my toddler about it. I would tell him that we are not going to nurse so much any more and that he can nurse at nap but not before bed. So at night when he asked to nurse I would say (in a very upbeat and confident manner), we already nursed today, you can nurse tomorrow at nap. He seemed surprisingly agreeable.
Congrats to you for getting down to one nursing a day. I am having trouble letting go of the one nursing a day (I think we are both not quite ready)…I tell myself I will wean if I get pregnant again.
Thanks for your post!
January 27th, 2008 at 10:55 pm
[...] found myself wondering, after reading Tara’s post weaning a toddler while pregnant, how many women need advice like this? What percentage of women are still breastfeeding a toddler [...]
March 27th, 2008 at 1:20 pm
I’m 14 weeks pregnant with my second child and am also still breastfeeding my 22 month daughter. She also wakes at least 3 times a night to feed and feeds at least 3 – 4 times a day. I’m also in the process of trying to wean her, and am trying the distraction technique. She is still quite persistant and seems to need that comfort, so we are taking it one day at a time.
My nipples were also quite sore once I became pregnant again, but have persevered and they are only sensitive now.
All the best with weaning your toddler, hang in there, rest assured that your toddler will eventually not need to feed anymore, and will not breastfeed forever. I do understand your frustrations completely though!
April 1st, 2008 at 3:59 pm
Dear Tara,
Thank you for the advise on weaning. I am about five weeks pregnant and I am also nursing my 18 month old son. He does not nurse me all through the day but wants the comfort in the night. Since my pregnancy he is demanding it throughout the night and gets up often and ask for it. I told him about the baby and I sometimes tell him the “tea-tea” is gone. He understands but still gets up to nurse in the early morn. I am thinking about letting him sleep with his Grand-ma a few nights in and out since he is very found of her to start the weaning process. Anyway thank you for the advise.
September 7th, 2008 at 12:35 am
wow ladies! It is amazing how many of us there are. My boys are 7 months and 27 months. I was 8 months pregnant when I started the emotionally and physically draining weaning. It took more will power than I ever thought I had, and countless 4am prayers. Think of it like giving up smoking, drinking, and all the other things we have to let go of when we are pregnant. It is 80% mental, and 20% physical; I didn’t sleep more than 2 hours a night until I gave birth once we started when he turned 17 months. But, now he can fall asleep just holding the breast, and even at times, all alone. The key is to never give in. NEVER. Once you start, you will cry, and cry, and cry some more. I started off letting him sit next to me on the other side of the boppy pillow, and let him hold the other breast while the baby ate. That only wnt on for the first month or so. He was completely over it after he learned how nasty it tastes with just one try, when he was sick, he wanted to nurse and boy, he said, “blah”. That helped him too. It isn’t the same as they remember. Plus, do not feel so guilty that you wean, it allows them to find their independance, and you get to watch them figure out stuff on their own. It is a way to let go of the dependance WE HAVE TOO.
September 7th, 2008 at 9:55 pm
It is good to read these posts. Thanks everyone. I had been feeling like I should wean for quite some time, but really had no idea how to go about it (I don’t think we were ready yet) and then last week, I had a meltdown with lack of sleep. I got some extra sleep in my system and then started changing the way I talked about weaning. I tried not to be wishy washy. We are on the road! My youngster is 18 months old, and I really like the tips you have given about holding the breast. It makes sense and I will try to use it to break the nursing habit at night, although I will leave the bedtime nurse constant. I also want to get pregnant, so this will likely help out a lot! You really go from one cycle of weariness to another, don’t you?
Amazing how you can be so incredibly tired, yet so incredibly amazed and thrilled with life! Have a good one.
November 1st, 2008 at 9:30 pm
organic mattresses…
I found your post comments while searching Google. Very relevant especially as this is not an issue which a lot of peaople are conversant with….
March 5th, 2009 at 8:36 am
I am currently 5 weeks pregnant and nursing my 27 months old and it has so far been pretty easy to continue. I am so happy to see all of these wonderful mothers proud to be nursing.